*sigh* Tuition troubles...

Sometimes I feel so helpless during tuition.

Maybe I'm not stern enough.

I really want to help them but they don't even want to help themselves.

I don't know what got into me today. I'm usually easy-going when I teach them. I don't believe in forcing them; it just makes the learning process so much more torturous for them. But today, I just felt so... I dunno. Not exactly pissed... something less strong. But definitely disappointed. I don't know if it is with them, or with myself. Maybe both.

I know I shouldn't do this, but I just wanna explain why I'm so troubled. I'm usually very patient and nice to my students, but I'm just too upset to keep it all in. I went for tuition at 7, and the first thing he (shall remain annonymous) did was to run off to buy the newspaper that I had instructed him to buy BEFORE THE LESSON. Took him 10 whole minutes of precious lesson time. I'm not the kind of tutor who will be happy wasting time and getting it over with. I want to utilise every minute, and him doing that wasn't helping. At all.

And, believe it or not, it took us TWO WHOLE HOURS to finish going through a 2-page article. I'm not even talking about The Straits Times, or even Today. I'm talking about the super reader-friendly The New Paper. He doesn't even recognise or know how to pronounce words like 'adore' and 'Mrs'. For the entire article, the phrase "Mrs Xu" came up at least 10 times, and EVERY SINGLE TIME, he pronounced "Misters Yan", and each time I will correct him, seemingly without any effect. And words that I have already taught him previously, he forgets cleanly. Initially I was my usual self - light-hearted teaching and not too strict. But as the single article dragged on and on to two hours, I got more impatient and annoyed. I had hoped to use one hour on English and the next hour on Science, but we only barely managed to finish that article.

I mean, this is not Primary School - it is already secondary level and if one still does not know such basic English, one should at the very least be worried. The effect can be seen on his results - he does well in maths and chinese, but for all other subjects that require essay-writing (like literature) or memorising of english terms (like science), he fails. I told him that he had better be serious about improving his English because it was affecting all his subjects and he said he knows. But does he really? I wonder.

If he had been serious he would have bought the newspaper BEFORE the lesson.

If he had been serious he would have asked his dad to get him a new EZ-link card like I instructed him SO MANY TIMES so that I can get him to go to the library and actually start reading some english stuff. I'm so desperate that even comics will be a good start. But it has been one month and still no sign of the EZ-link card. I've since stopped asking because I know all I'll get is a guilty smile.

If he had been serious he wouldn't have lost so many of his exam papers.

If he had been serious he wouldn't try to shift his tuition time just so that it won't cut into his computer time.

And by the way, I'm talking just about one of them. The others have other problems too.

At least for this little guy, he is really good at maths. On Thursday I will be facing his brother who was retained twice and who doesn't care. He can't even do simple algebra like 2x=4+3x. He has a hard time shifting the xs around.

I dunno... maybe I'm being too harsh. But is it too much to ask for students who actually want to learn something? For students who care about themselves as much as I worry for them? It is not the fact that they are very very weak that disturbs me. Okay, maybe a little, because not being able to pronounce "Ms" and "Mr" is quite serious at sec sch. But the more significant point is their attitude.

I used to go to tuition eagerly, because I expect them to learn a lot in one lesson. I even got enthu enough to want to bring them all to the library to expose them to english reading. Now I give up because they don't even seem as eager as I am. I must have had beginner's luck because within my first lesson I managed to help one of them improve from a fail to close to full marks. But that was once. Now I go to tuition worried, wondering if they will get anything out of the lesson at all after I leave.

I don't think this is karma because I've always enjoyed learning. Now, now, don't roll your eyes. True, sometimes I may not bother about assignments and enjoy putting off work to the last minute, but when I learn or understand a new concept, it really makes me feel happy. At the very least, I know I'll put some effort, no matter how little, where it is needed. AND I know that if I get retained twice, I will be worried and very affected. Not relaxed and nonchalant like this.

Their parents are working so hard to give them a good education - both parents work till 2am everyday, and they are paying $670 per month in tuition fees to me alone - not counting the other english/chinese tuition that 2 of them have. The first time around when I was calculating the rates to be charged (because the two remaining kids were not through the agency but by verbal offer from the mom), I asked the mom what her budget was for tuition fees, and she just said the most important thing is that they improve.

I don't feel good getting paid when I feel that they have learnt nothing much that month. I really am trying my best. But are they trying their best?

Sigh. Maybe this is just PMS. I don't want to be harsh on them. I just know that I'll have an effect on their results, and very possibly their ability to be promoted.

I think I need a good night's sleep. And a looooong, warm hug from someone. Anyone. Maybe tonight I'll dig out my old giant doggie soft toy and sleep with that. Although it is kinda dusty and smelly... but pfffth.