LOL

"One day...as I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy...Hey buddy...why are you doing that for? He said..Because you came home early."

"When I was born..the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father...I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

Droughts are because God didn't pay his water bill.

I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.

Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food. You may wonder how it weighs the food. It doesn't. It just eats another hummingbird.

She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet off the ground.

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell asleep.

A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend's wife's brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.